Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
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