What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
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