What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
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