Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
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