What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
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