Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What kind of berry has a coloring book? A crayon-berry
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
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