What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a bogey in it.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? Transparents
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
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