Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What three candies can you find in every school? Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
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