What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Q: What did the judge say to the dentist?
A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
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