Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew".
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
Go to BabaMail
