Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
How do you organize a space party? You planet!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
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