How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Why can't you take a nap during a race? Because if you snooze, you loose!
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What caused the airline to go bankrupt? Runway inflation.
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.
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