Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What's taken before you get it? Your picture.
What has 5 fingers but isn't your hand?
My hand.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Where do crayons go on vacation? Color-ado!
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
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