Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What do you do if someone rolls their eyes at you?
Roll them back.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What do you call a frozen dog? A pupsicle.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? Because they dropped out of school!
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a bear with no socks on? Bare-foot.
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
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