Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What's the first thing elves learn in school?
The "elf"-abet!
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
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