Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? Because she couldn't control her pupils?
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What time is it when people are throwing pieces of bread at your head?
Time to duck.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
Why don’t you ever see hippopotamus hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
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