How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can’t tunafish.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why is your foot more special than your other body parts? Because they have their own soul. What is heavy forward but not backward? Ton.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Did you hear about the limo driver who went 25 years without a customer? All that time and nothing to chauffeur it.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
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