What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Why did the birdie go to the hospital? To get a tweetment.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
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