Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
What did the femur say to the patella? I kneed you.
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Can February March? No. But April May.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you call a person that chops up cereal. a cereal killer.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call a three-footed aardvark? a yardvark!
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