Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
What did the blanket say to the bed? Don't worry, I've got you covered!
What runs but can't walk? The faucet!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
A mom texts, "Hi! Son, what does IDK, LY, & TTYL mean?" He texts back, "I Don't Know, Love You, & Talk To You Later." The mom texts him, "It's ok, don't worry about it. I'll ask your sister, love you too."
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
Why are teddy bears never hungry?
They’re always stuffed!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
How do you communicate with a fish? Drop him a line!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? Trouble
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
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