What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What did the hamburger name his daughter? Patty!
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor.
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why did the two 4's skip lunch? They already 8 (ate).
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do you call leftover aliens? Extra Terrestrials.
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Have you heard the joke about the butter? I better not tell you, it might spread. How do baseball players stay cool? They sit next to their fans.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
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