What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What pet makes the loudest noise? A trum-pet!
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What did one raindrop say to the other? Two's company, three's a cloud
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Did you hear about the injured vegetable? Some say he got beet.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies? a garbage truck.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
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