What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What did the sink say to the potty?
You look flushed!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
How did Benjamin Franklin feel when he discovered electricity?
Shocked!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he took a short cut.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
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