Whens the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
Q: What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
A: Thar's gold in them fills!
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog? A Cat has nine lives but a Frog croaks every night!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Can February March? No. But April May.
What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A refrigerator.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Which is the building is the largest? The library because it has the most stories.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights!
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