Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Did you know a nose cannot be 12 inches long?
Otherwise it’d be a foot!
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion.
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? So he could have sweet dreams. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare.
What kind of nut doesn’t like money?
Cash ew.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? So he could tie the score.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Did you hear about the monster with five legs? His trousers fit him like a glove.
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Knock Knock
Who's There?
I eat grape.
I eat grape who?
You eat grey poo!
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What did the leopard say after eating his owner? Man, that hit the "spot."
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Question: What is the oldest animal?
Answer: The Zebra, it's still in black and white!
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Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks. Where do bees go to the bathroom? At the BP station!
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