What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Knock knock…
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are?
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What bow can't be tied? A rainbow!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What does Minnie Mouse drive?
A Minnie van!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Why did God make only one Yogi Bear? Because when he tried to make a second one he made a Boo-Boo.
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
How many books can you put in an empty backpack? One! After that its not empty!
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A stamp.
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