What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
Why did the balloon burst? Because is saw a lolly pop.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Who do fish always know how much they weigh? Because they have their own scales.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What is considered the tallest building in the world?
The library, because it has so many stories.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
How did the farmer mend his pants? With cabbage patches!
Where do cows go on December 31st?
A moo year’s eve party.
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Did you hear about the sick juggler? They say he couldnt stop throwing up!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do you call a baby monkey? A Chimp off the old block.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did the giraffe get bad grades? He had his head in the clouds.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? 2 Fast 2 Curious
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
"How do you shoot a killer bee?" "With a bee bee gun."
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
How do spiders communicate? Through the World Wide Web.
What do you call a dentist in the army? A drill sergeant
Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing!
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