What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A Gummy Bear
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What did the pink panther say when he stepped on the ant? A. deadant deadant deadant deadant.
Why did the insomniac man get arrested? He resisted a rest
Why did the traffic light turn red? You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
What was the seal's favorite subject in school?
ART ART ART!
Did you hear about the kidnapping? He woke up.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I"
Bobby: I is...
Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".
Bobby: "I am the 9th letter of the alphabet."
Why do vampires seem sick?
They’re always coffin.
Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? He couldn't concentrate!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What did the earth say to all the other planets?
Wow you guys have no life.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
Q: Why did the tree go to the dentist?
A: To get a root canal.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What did one plate say to the other? Dinners on me
How does a suit put his child into bed?
He tux him in.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What has one head, one foot and four legs? A Bed
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
The opposite of isolate is...
yousoearly.
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