What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Did you hear the joke about the roof? Never mind, it's over your head!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? Because she will Let it go.
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
Why do ducks have tail feathers?
To cover their buttquacks.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
Where do snowmen keep their money? In snow banks.
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
What did one math book say to the other?
I’ve got so many problems.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
What the difference between you and a calendar? a calendar has dates.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
What do you call a crushed angle? a rectangle
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What did the tailor think of her new job? It was sew sew.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
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