What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? It barked with de-light!
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Who earns a living driving their customers away? A taxi driver. What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? LMAYO
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An Investigator
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?
It could crack up.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Q: What did the dentist get for an award?
A: A little plaque
Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Where do bulls get their messages? On a bull-etin board.
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
What kind of bird sticks to sweaters? a Vel-Crow.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
What event do spiders love to attend?
Webbings.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? He wanted to get to the bottom.
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
Why does a hummingbird hum? It doesn't know the words!
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
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