Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? He got stuck in Orbit.
Why are pirates called pirates? Cause they arrrrr.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
What do you call a pile of kittens a meowntain
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What did the zero say to the eight?
Nice belt!
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because they take too long to iron!
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
If there’s an invasion army of endless flies attacking, who you gonna call?
The fly S.W.A.T. Team!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Q: Doctor, I keep hearing a ringing sound.
A: Then answer the phone!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Q: Did you hear the one about the virus?
A: Never mind, I don't want to spread it around.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? Urgent Tina
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cows go.
Cows go who?
No, cows go MOO!
Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
Why was the broom late? It over swept!
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
What did the M&M go to college? Because he wanted to be a Smarty.
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
Did you know vampires aren’t real?
Unless you Count Dracula.