What do you call a funny mountain? hill-arious
What did the judge say to the dentist? Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!
What’s a snake’s strongest subject in school?
Hiss-tory.
Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? They both depend on the batter.
How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What did the painter say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster you!
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Did you hear about the hungry clock? It went back four seconds.
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the utter.
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Q: Why did the pillow go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling all stuffed up!
What do bulls do when they go shopping? They CHARGE!
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
What kind of crackers do firemen like in their soup? Firecrackers!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? The scientists were brainstorming!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Why is it so windy inside a stadium?
There are hundreds of fans.
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
What did the alien say to the garden? Take me to your weeder.
What do sea monsters eat? Fish and ships
How do you make an Octupus laugh? With ten-tickles
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
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