Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Why did the man with one hand cross the road? To get to the second hand shop.
What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney? An offer you can't understand.
What do you call a condiment with a hit single? a must"heard"
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? Nobody nose.
Why didn’t the lamp sink?
It was too light.
How do you know when a bike is thinking?
You can see its wheels turning.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Did you hear the one about the geologist? He took his wife for granite so she left him What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? Show me the honey!
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What scares a caterpillar?
A dog-erpillar!
What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno business!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
Q: What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight!
Did you hear about the party a little boy had for his sisters barbie dolls? A. It was a Barbie-
Which month do soldiers hate most? The month of March!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? It never came out.
What kind of lunch do moms never prepare in the morning?
Their own.
Why didn't the 11 year old go to the pirate movie? because it was rated arrrrr!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What exam do young witches have to pass? A spell-ing test!
What kind of jokes do you make in the shower? Clean Jokes!
Batman walks into a superhero-only pool, he is quickly stopped by a guard, the guard points to a sign that says
"No swimming without supervision."
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
What time is it when you have to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What dog keeps the best time? A watch dog.
What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
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