What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What did the triangle say to the circle? Your pointless!
Why shouldn’t you tell secrets in a cornfield?
There are too many ears.
What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell
What did a sign say outside the pet shop? Buy 1 dog get 1 flea!
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What is a tree's favorite drink? Root beer!
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta
What did the nut say when it was chasing the other nut?
I'm a cashew!
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.
What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers? the Telephone.
What does one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What did one wall say to the other wall?
"I’ll meet you at the corner!"
Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? Because they cantaloupe.
Q: Has your tooth stopped hurting yet?
A: I don't know, the dentist kept it.
How does a suit put his child into bed? He tux him in.
How do crazy people go through the forest? They take the psycho path.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? It's the one rated Arrrr!
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What kind of flower doesn't sleep at night? The Day-zzz
What do you call a magician on a plane? A flying sorcerer!
What do you call sad coffee?" Despresso.
Q: When does a doctor get mad?
A: When he runs out of patients!
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What do you call an illegally parked frog? Toad.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue.
What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
What do you call a bee that lives in America? USB
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? Sherbet
Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five dollars,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten dollars!'
Where does bad light go? PRISM!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
What do you give a dog with a fever? Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A sour puss!
What garment are you most likely to spot a house in?
Address
What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you'll rise and shine!
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers!
Why did the girl bring lipstick and eye shadow to school? She had a make-up exam!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
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