What did they baby corn say to the mama corn?
Where’s pop corn?
What do you call the new girl at the bank? The Nutella!
What do you call cheese that doesn’t belong to you?
Nacho cheese!
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? Reports say it was due to too many strokes.
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Did you hear about that new broom? It's sweeping the nation!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
How does a church congregation defend against an attack by Galactic Imperial Stormtroopers?
They use the pew, pew-pew pews.
How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I'm coming down with something!
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Why should you take a pencil to bed? To draw the curtains!
How did the baby tell her mom that she had a wet diaper?
She sent her a pee-mail.
What do you call having your grandma on speed dial? Instagram.
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
What can you serve but never eat? A volleyball.
Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? It's dread-full.
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What kind of shoes do private investigators wear?
Sneak-ers.
Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? Because he wanted to work over-time!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Whats the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can roast beef, but you cant pea soup!
What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickleback.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a lawyer with the Godfather? An offer you can't understand.
What happened when a faucet, a tomato and lettuce were in a race? The lettuce was ahead, the faucet was running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.
Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware? Idaho... Alaska!
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles.
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Did you hear the joke about the roof?
Never mind, it’s over your head.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
Which is the longest word in the dictionary? "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"!
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