What do you call a European Bigfoot?
Bigmeter.
Did you hear about the hairdresser? She dyed.
Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
What goes up when the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we will go places!
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Who goes to the bathroom in the middle of a party? A party pooper.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts. What do you call cheese that is not yours? Nacho Cheese
What happens if life gives you melons? Your dyslexic
Can I tell you a joke about paper. Nah, never mind, its tearable.
19 and 20 got into a fight.
21.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
Q: Where does a boat go when it's sick?
A: To the dock!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Why did the tree go to the dentist? To get a root canal.
What’s the most expensive kind of fish?
A gold fish.
Why did the daddy rabbit go to the barber?
He had a lot of little hares.
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A barber.
What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef Jerky.
What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A Yamahahaha
What word looks the same backwards and upside down? Swims
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
Why did the belt get arrested? He held up a pair of pants.
Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? It was a vicious cycle.
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price."
"Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!
Little Johnny's teacher said,
"Johnny, your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's."
"Did you copy hers?" she asked.
Johnny replied, "No, teacher, it's the same dog!"
Why did the robber take a bath? Because he wanted to make a clean getaway.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
What do kids play when they can’t play with a phone?
Bored games.
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his parents were in a jam!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
Why do we never tell jokes about pizza?
They’re too cheesy.
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? the alpha bet
Did you hear the score in the game between the ocean and the beach? It’s tide.
What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs? A penny.
Q: What did the tooth say to the dentist as she was leaving?
A: Fill me in when you get back
What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!
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