Why did the cake grow a daisy?
It was made with flower.
Did you hear about the new corduroy pillowcases? Their making headlines...
What do you call a very rude bird?
A mockingbird!
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
How do you drown a Hipster? In the mainstream.
What kind of button won't unbutton? A bellybutton!
Why did the God of Thunder need to stretch his muscles so much when he was a kid?
He was a little Thor.
Why doesn't iron form a good bond with other metals?
Because it has rust issues!
A bunch of vampire hunters needed to talk
So they scheduled a stakeholders meeting.
Why can't a leopard hide? Because he's always spotted!
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A turkey!
What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.
What vehicle has 4 wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
Did you hear the joke about the germ? Never mind. I don't want to spread it around
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? "Where's Popcorn?"
Learning how to collect trash wasn’t hard.
I just picked it up as I went along.
What four letters will frighten a burglar? O I C U Where does bad light go? To prism!
Did you hear about the guy who died when an axe fell on him? The police are calling it an axe-i-dent.
Why did the scientist go to the tanning salon? Because he was a paleontologist.
What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs Bunny!
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot!
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? Dam!
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? It was quite an oar deal.
What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? Post Office!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
Q: What does a dentist do during an earthquake?
A: She braces herself!
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
Did you hear about the circus fire? Yeah, it was in'tents'.
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: He was feeling really crumbie!
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What kind of driver never get a parking ticket? A screw driver
I’m sick of martial arts.
I have kung flu.
Why did the log fall into a creek? Because that's how it ROLLS!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack? An abdominal snowman.