Where does bad light go? PRISM!
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogey in it!
What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? You are to little to smoke!
I went to the doctor with hearing problems. He said, "Can you describe the symptoms?"
I said, “Homer’s the big dude and Marge has blue hair...”
Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"!
Did you hear about the paper boy? He blew away
What do you call a magician that lost his magic?
Ian.
What stays on the ground but never gets dirty? Shadow.
What season is it when you are on a trampoline? Spring time.
What did Delaware? a New Jersey
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no-body to go with.
Why did the computer break up with the internet? There was no "Connection".
Why is Basketball such a messy sport? Because you dribble on the floor!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? Because they're all in High School!
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
What did Bacon say to Tomato? Lettuce get together!
What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? a Roman Catholic
Where do sheep go to get haircuts? To the Baa Baa shop!
What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.
What’s a good name for a detective?
Mr. E
What do you get when you cross Speedy Gonzales with a country singer? Arriba McEntire.
How do you repair a broken tomato? Tomato Paste!
What do you call two fat people having a chat? A heavy discussion
What did the digital watch say to his grandfather? Look grandpa no hands!
What did the beach say to the tide when it came in?
Long time, no sea.
What is brown and sticky?
A stick!
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years!
Why is justice best served cold?
Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.
What do cats eat for breakfast? Mice Crispies!
Do you know how many famous men and women were born on your birthday?
None, only babies.
What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? I wanna get a head!
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and wooden engine? it wooden go!
What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Freeze. You’re under a vest.
What game does the sky love to play?
Twister.
Can February march?
No, but April may.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.
Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? She couldn't control her pupils!
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
Why do birds fly south for the winter? Its easier than walking!
What do you cal purple when it is being mean? Violent.
Knock, knock
Who’s There?
Annie
Annie Who?
Annie thing you can do, I can do better.
Why do fish live in salt water? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A Clausterphobic
Why did the boy eat his homework? Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!
Who cleans the bottom of the ocean? A Mer-Maid
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