Q: What is a dentist's favorite animal?
A: A molar bear!
What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? Jellyfish!
What did the man say to the wall? One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya!
What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A Frisbee.
What do you call a book that's about the brain? A mind reader.
Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? They got married in the spring.
When do you stop at green and go at red? When you're eating a watermelon!
What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A cloud!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? The road!
What goes up and down but doesn't move? The temperature!
What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? Hi Cliff! Sometimes I tuck my knees into my chest and lean forward. That's just how I roll.
What did the snowman ask the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash!
Why did the hot dog turn down a chance to star in a major motion picture? None of the rolls (roles) were good enough.
Why did the scarecrow win the nobel prize? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did the father say whilst teaching his kid to tie his shoelaces?
Knot bad
What is it called when a cat wins a dog show? A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Why was the weightlifter upset?
She worked with dumbbells.
Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage.
What do you call a gangsta snowman? Froze-T
What do you call it when your nose is stuffy at the rodeo?
Cowboy Boogie.
Did you hear about the carrot detective? He got to the root of every case.
What is the tallest building in the world? The library! It has the most stories!
What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump.
What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice krispies.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time
What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead and I'll hang around!
Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? Neither, they both weigh a ton!
What kind of emotions do noses feel? Nostralgia. Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the "barking" lot!
What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers.
Why are chefs so mean? They beat eggs and whip cream.
Why was the robot mad? People kept pushing its buttons.
Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
What is large and rocky at the bottom, small and snowy at the top and has ears?
Give up? A mountain.
Yeah but what about the ears?
You never heard of mountaineers?
Why did Tony go out with a prune? Because he couldn't find a date!
What belongs to you but others use more? Your name
Why do sharks swim in saltwater?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze!
What kind of key opens a banana? A monkey!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the banana go to the Doctor? Because it was not peeling well
How do billboards talk?
Sign language.
What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!
What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
What do you get if you a cross a card game with a typhoon? Bridge over troubled water.
Where did the computer go to dance? To a disc-o.
Why did the cookie go to the hospital? He felt crummy!
Do you know why diarrhea is hereditary? Because it runs through your jeans. What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police
What do you call a window that raps? 2PANEZ
What did the penny say to the other penny? We make perfect cents.
Did you hear about the calendar thief? He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered
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