A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, both the bride and groom were curious as to what a contemporary service entailed. They weren’t sure, so they promptly asked the pastor. “Oh there aren’t many differences at all – just a few minor details,” replied the pastor. The couple preferred the sound of a contemporary wedding over a traditional one, so they decided to go ahead with it. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. Upon seeing the groom, the pastor promptly told him: "Pull down your pants," "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

A boy confesses to his priest. 'Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano?' 'Yes, father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, father, I don't want to ruin her reputation.' 'Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Nancy Connor?' 'I'll never tell.' 'Was it Judy Cohen?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Kate Takenyo?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rose DeMarco, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?' Joey produces a sly smile: 'A four month holiday and five good leads.'

A newly married Liam goes to the meet Father Charles. He greets the priest and says, 'Father, I need to talk to you.' The Priest asks, 'Is it a confession, my son?' Liam replies, 'No, Father. I need to clarify something.' The Priest takes Liam to his private chamber and says, 'Tell me, Liam. What is it?' Liam asks, 'Father, why do some women try to change men after marriage? My friends keep teasing me about it.' The Priest smiles and replied, 'Liam, my son; as the bride walks down the long aisle, she excitedly registers 3 stimuli: The altar, the choir and the sound of the hymn being sung. Aisle, Altar, and Hymn. She becomes mesmerized. Aisle, Altar, Hymn. Aisle, Altar, hymn. Aisle, Altar, Hymn. And finally, as she stops beside the groom, she is already saying to herself... "I'LL ALTER HIM."