When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies. Because all of his genes are dominant.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
The Dead Sea used to be alive... ... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar... The bar breaks in half.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss... It blinked.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
The Action Hero Meeting
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger are reading a script at lunch.
They are meeting to discuss Stallone's new movie *The Composers*, about the descendants of famous European composers joining forces to fight terrorism.
Stallone says he'll play Beethoven, "My theme will be ode to joy. But get this: Joy is the name of my shotgun."
"Nice," says Norris. "I'll be Mozart, and I'll conduct a symphony of pain!"
"Sweet," says Stallone. "Well, Arnie? What about you? Who're you going to be?"
Schwarzenegger thinks about this for a long moment, nods his head and says:
"I'll be *Bach.*"