1. You lose your cool over insignificant details
In most cases, people want to conceal that you’re holding a grudge, but because the relationship between you is still tense, you tend to blow up and attack the other person over things that you usually don’t even notice. All of the sudden, things like spilled salt on the table, an unanswered message or a misplaced remote become the subject of heavy dispute and grounds for accusation.
In reality, these things remain as insignificant as they always were, and you simply feel the need to vent your frustration, but by diverging from the initial problem, you’re actually doing more harm than good. Not only are you risking to really upset the other person, but you will keep feeling upset even if they apologize to you about their insignificant “act of rebellion”.
Instead, try to think about what actually upset you and whether or not this question should be brought up in a dialogue with the other person.
2. You demand fairness every time
Sometimes, a person feels like they have been treated unfairly in a relationship. When that happens, they want compensation (often unproportionate and absurd amounts of it) and demand fair treatment in everything, be it a shared bill, a cookie split in 2 parts, or the quantity of kind words said to each other.
In other words, if you’re upset, you become more stingy and are less likely to reach a compromise with the other person. This kind of behavior will continue unless you tell the other person how you feel mistreated.
3. You need distance
Are you reluctant to pick up the phone when that person calls? Or do you simply feel the need to distance yourself from them physically and you’re willing to make up any excuse just not to be in the same room with them?
If so, don’t worry, it’s a very natural thing to do, as they have probably broken your trust and hurt you, and the last thing one wants to do is to be in proximity of someone who’s causing them mental pain. However, this increased need for personal space should be a red flag to you, and signals that you have to resolve some issue with that person.
If you are interested in repairing the relationship with that person, you have to face them and discuss the issue.
4. You want to constantly convince them you’re right
Arguments are stressful, often unexpected, and we can rarely, if ever, prepare a list of all the things we want to say to the other person during an argument. When some things haven’t been mentioned, or they have been misunderstood or simply not heard by the other person, it can leave you with a whole lot of resentment in your heart.
In these cases, you often want you to prove you’re always right to that person. If you catch yourself constantly trying to prove you’re right to someone, you may be holding a grudge against them.
5. You think negatively about that person
It doesn’t matter if it’s an old grudge or a more recent one, they will all make you feel negative emotions when remembering that person. What is the first feeling or thought that pops up in your mind in relation to that person? If it’s negative, then it is likely you’re holding a grudge against them.
Now, it turns out that people are very persistent at holding grudges, and some grudges can last decades, no matter how unreasonable. In fact, you might not even remember the reason why that person upset you anymore, but still continue being angry at them. Is that grudge against an ex or a friend at school worth keeping, or is it easier for you to let go?
It’s up to you. If it’s a recent grudge, it may also be worth bringing up.
6. You harbor bitterness
This one is pretty straightforward. If you feel angry and bitter towards a person, even after the issue at hand was discussed, you are most certainly harboring a grudge against them. You can admit it to yourself or not, but the resentment is there. You can spot it by simply being mindful of your behavior when they're around: are you more protective, less communicative or, on the other hand, cannot stop attacking them with sarcastic comments? If your answer is yes to any of those questions, you are most certainly begrudging that person.
7. When you think about the person, you feel nothing
Most humans are very emotional, because this is, in part, how we perceive the world, after all. When we choose to become emotionally detached from some event or, in this case, a person, it is a sign that something went wrong in the relationship, and you’re trying to shield yourself off from the person, often because the last emotional experience with them was painful.
If you feel indifferent towards somebody, ask yourself if is it because they hurt you. If so, then you have to stand up for yourself and talk to them about the issue.
8. You cancel plans last minute
It is more difficult to meet and stay with a person who you hold a grudge against, so much so, that you might feel the urge to opt out of mutual plans or clock out early if you happen to meet them. There is also a chance that you simply find the person uninteresting, of course, but if it is a sudden change in attitude, you’re likely having some subconscious gripe with that person.
9. The person irritates you very easily
Everyone reserves a different amount of patience for different people, and it only makes sense that the people who you're angry with get the short end of the stick. This means that they constantly irritate you, and you just feel like you can't discuss or do anything with them that wouldn't make you angry or upset.
Though the rare case of irritating personalities definitely exist, in most cases, some unresolved issues are to blame for your negative attitude. Whether they deserve this kind of treatment of not is up to you, of course, but it's best for both of you to resolve the conflict as soon as possible, as your psychological health is also at stake in the given situation.