Why do sailors eat shellfish when rain is forecast?
It’s the clam before the storm.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
Where does fog go to the bathroom?
Anywhere it wants.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
The weather man said there won’t be any rain for 6 months, but I drought it.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
With the nice warm weather last weekend, a neighbor was enthusiastically diggin' in the dirt planting his garden!
He was so excited about it, he wet his plants.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
The winter is the worst time of year for a wedding. The grooms always seem to be getting cold feet.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind full of sand?
A: A rough draft
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Why did the woman go outdoors with her purse open?
Because she expected some change in the weather.
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
Why didn’t the light rain hit the target?
It just mist.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What is a tornado's favorite movie? Gone With the Wind!
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
The only way bees can fly right through the rain is when they have their yellow jackets on.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.