Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why did the sapling go to the doctor’s office? He was feeling a little green.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
Did you hear about the guy who fell in love with a tree? They say he was a tree hugger.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.