What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Why are trees so active in politics? They really like grass roots movements.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Don’t ask me for any tree puns.
Acacia haven’t noticed I’m all out.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Why did the Sugar Maple have to go to the dentist? It really needed a root canal.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.