Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are leaves always getting into risky business? They keep having to go out on a limb.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
What do pines eat for breakfast? Past-trees.
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
Why do trees have to drink responsibly? Otherwise, they become a bunch of trunk idiots.
Why are trees the largest plant? Because they are truly tree-mendous.
What did the tree tell the drill? You bore me.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
To everyone in the Christmas Tree industry
You all do a great job! Stand up and take a bough!
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.