Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What is a birch’s favorite dinosaur? The Tree
Rex.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
Why was the tree doctor so good at his job? He could always get to the root of the problem.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why was the tree so embarrassed during the winter? After her leaves fell, she felt naked.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
Where do birch trees keep their jewelry? In the river bank.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What do you call a nice tree that does not have any teeth? Sweetgums.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Why did the banana tree have to make a doctor’s appointment during the hurricane? Her fruit was peeling under the weather.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Today a large tree suddenly fell over right in front of me.
I was stumped.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Why couldn’t the oak tree make friends? All of the other trees thought that he was a bit shady.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
What types of books do pines read? Poetree books.