Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
Did you hear about the big company that made syrup from contaminated trees? They maple their syrup from the shelves.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
Why do trees make the worst enemies?
Because they are the best at throwing shade.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush? It’s just yew and me, baby.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.
What happens to romantic trees on Valentine’s Day? They get all sappy.
What happens when you blend an artificial waterway with a tree? You get a root canal.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
What did the tree say after someone hit it? We should really call the copse.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
What types of stories do giant sequoias love to tell? Tall tales, of course.
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
Finally put up the Christmas tree...
It really spruced up the room.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
Why do some trees hate playing checkers? Because they are true chess-nuts.
What does a triangle palm like to study in school? Trigonometree.
How does a bee travel to a tree? They get on the buzz.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
What is the hardest part about being a tree? You have so many limbs, but you still can’t walk.
Why was the sapling crying to her mom? She said the big trees wouldn’t leaf her alone.
What did the dessert say to the Granny Smith tree?
You’re the apple of my pie.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion? Faux fir.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
Which tree is more annoying, pine or oak?
Pine. Because pine needles while oak leaves.
Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.