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Taking Jokes

Cosmetics Puns
I used too much of my wife’s moisturizer after taking my shower this morning.
So I called in slick for work today.
Kitchen Puns
I have a phobia of using the wrong amounts of ingredients when I’m cooking
So I’ve been taking measures to deal with it.
I'm taking indian cooking classes, because
I'm just so curryous about it.
Funny Parenting Quotes
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”

- Erma Bombeck.
Sibling Puns
My sister prefers taking the stairs, but I always take the elevator. I guess...
we are raised differently.
Meat Puns
Have you heard about the new meat that’s taking the world by storm? It’s a cross between a cow and a chicken. They call it “roost beef”.
Tableware Puns
Was arguing with a friend in a restaurant recently when the waiter ran over and took the plate of garlic bread and the coleslaw. I wish he’d stop taking sides.
Nuts Puns
What did the peanut say right before taking an exam? “I walnut fail!”
Poop Puns
People who pretends to never go taking a dump are full of sh**.
The scariest day of my life was when we ran into a bear taking a dump inside our campsite.
That sh** was in
Travel Pick Up Lines
Is there an airport nearby? Or is that just my heart taking off?
Yard Puns
There is a German shepherd next door that keeps burying bones in my yard and taking poops on my flower bed.
His dog is not as bad.
Shower Puns
A friend of mine was taking a bath when he realised he wasn’t a very good burglar.
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?
A scrub jay!
Monster Puns
What does a vampire do after taking a shower?
It stands on a bat mat.