Place Jokes

A weed is a plant that is not only in the wrong place but intends to stay.”
— Sara Stein
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Hey, wanna come to my place and observe something else that's constantly expanding?
Where’s the best place to find out information about pistachios?
The inter-nut.
They say Disney World is the happiest place on earth, obviously, they haven't been in your arms.
Let's 'bag' this place and go get a coffee. And yes, I am proud of that pun.
I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don't wake up alone.
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
Whenever I see you my heart races. I hope to win first place.
You'll never be as well dressed as I, but I'm willing to give you second place.
My pants might be in the wrong place but my heart is always in the right place.
"Never order barbecue in a place that also serves quiche."
— Lewis Grizzard
You can take me home tonight, but only if Yuletide-y up your place.
Would you like to come to my place and light my Yule log?
I just got some mistletoe, how about we go back to my place and try it out?