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Mark Jokes

Food Quotes
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education."
— Mark Twain
Garden Quotes
“Cauliflower is a cabbage with a college education.”
— Mark Twain
Funny Aging Quotes
"The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. - Mark Twain
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen." - Mark Twain
Friendship Quotes
"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime if not asked to lend money."
— Mark Twain
“I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell — you see, I have friends in both places."
— Mark Twain
Funny Work Quotes
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
Language Pick Up Lines
If you were a sentence, I'd be the punctuation mark because I'd always follow you no matter what.
Funny Health Quotes
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
Pot Puns
Mark Knopfler is opening a Chinese restaurant
He's calling it Wok of Life.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain