Jokes > Tags > Following Jokes

Following Jokes

Anti Pick Up Lines
Are there people following you?
Because I'm seeing someone behind your back.
Funny Poems
One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
Funny Parenting Quotes
“No matter how much time you spend reading books or following your intuition, you’re gonna screw it up. Fifty times. You can’t do parenting right.”

- Alan Arkin.
How to Get the Day Off Work
Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off." The man replies, "And how would you do that?" The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?" The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb." The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off." The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?" The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark!"
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Apology Pick Up Lines
Sorry I've been following you...
But my parents told me to chase my dreams.
Quotes
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
Mitch Hedberg
Violin Puns
Violinist Caught following a String of Robberies.
Orange Puns
Finally, the call came in and the orange was informed by the person on the other end of the line that the company had orange-d an interview for the following day.
Pear Puns
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Marriage Puns
A couple was in the forest painting on fallen trees.
They were following their counsellor’s orders to have a meaningful dye-a-log.
Knight Puns
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Crow Puns
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.