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Brought Jokes

Doctor Puns

A small child was brought into hospital the other day after swallowing several small toy horses.
The doctors report that he is in a stable condition.

Dragon Puns

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:

"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."

Flight Puns

I have always had acrophobia, but the plane flight brought it to a new height.

Theater Puns

A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"

The horse said "nay."

The pig squealed.

Yard Puns

My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our backyard.
She's a keeper.

A man has found water while digging in his backyard. For many years, he used the water at home saving tons of money until one day, the water stopped flowing. So he dug a little bit further and found water again and used it for years until it also dried up. This time, he went further, brought a digging machine, and dug a deeper hole until he found water.
Neighbors, annoyed by the noise, called the local sheriff who arrives to check what was happening in the backyard. The sheriff discovering the scene in the backyard says:
"Well, well, well ... What have we got here?"

Dragon Jokes

Spain Puns

My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
"Ay poppy."

Football Puns

I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.

Flower Puns

What did the flower say to his wife when he brought her home a present?
I hope thistle cheer you up.

Dog-Themed Pick Up Lines

I smelled you down the street, and my nose brought me right to you.

Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme

I have a cat
A real fat cat
My cat is all black
My black fat cat
It is a cat with a knack
A true fact about my cat
My fat black cat
She has a knack to catch a rat
My all black cat brought me the rat
This is why my cat is a fat black cat
So rats watch your back
From my cat with the knack
Or you will become a snack for my fat black cat

(Colleen Laforme)

Onion Puns

I don't know what happened, but the moment I brought the onion into the kitchen, everything got rejuvenated, and everything started feeling fresh! Guess this really is a spring onion.

Appliance Puns

I brought a new vacuum cleaner.
It sucks.

Greece Puns

Other people had drugs in school, but I brought Greek cheeses.
That way I could have math and feta cheese.