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Attack Jokes

Heart Puns
I heard about a football player who had a heart attack and collapsed on top of his opponent.
He was dead on a rival.
What do you call an Irish dancer having a heart attack?
Michael flatline.
Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery
But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!
Why did the pig have a heart attack?
Too much bacon.
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital. He was on a fairway to heaven.
A man who makes tie dye shirts was trying to borrow money to expand his small business. While filling out the paperwork, he had a heart attack and collapsed, spilling bottles of colored dye all over his documents.
The poor man dyed a loan.
Lightning Puns
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
Juice Puns
I can't use my laptop anymore because someone spilled apple juice on it.
It was a cider attack.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Guitar Puns
A bloke came up to me and said im going to attack you with the neck of my guitar.
I said to him, "is that a Fret"?
Mexican Pick Up Lines
Hey, my friend just saw you from across the Salsa line. You’re the cause of the Hispanic attack.
Crocodile Puns
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
Medical Puns
A golfer had a heart attack and died on the way to the hospital.
He was on a fairway to heaven.
Tiger Puns
Q: Why do the tiger not attack the farm?
A: He was a little bit sheepish.
Kitchen Puns
They were losing the battle, until they started chucking the tops of kitchen cupboards at the enemy.
It was a counter attack.