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Anything Jokes

Food Quotes
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
"I don't eat lobsters, shrimp, or crawfish because I don't eat anything that looks like I should step on it."
— George Carlin
Funny Aging Quotes
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap." - Bob Hope
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
"Why should I do anything for posterity? What has posterity ever done for me?"
Yard Puns
The neighbor's dog pooped in our yard, so my wife told me to get the shovel and toss it over their fence.
But that didn't solve anything.
Now the neighbors have my shovel and someone still has to pick up the poop in our yard.
Friendship Quotes
“I am your best friend, and there isn’t anything you can do about it!”
— Unknown
Nuts Puns
A motivated nut is a pecan. Because pe-can do anything.
Why are walnuts the best secret keepers? They walnut say anything to anyone.
Corona Virus Jokes
I'm tired of this old broom. Got anything else I can ride?
Space Pick Up Lines
Your smile is like a supernova. Brighter than anything in the universe.
Pea Puns
Vegetarians can't eat anything with beans in. They don't eat food with a pulse.
Q: What do vegetables wish for, more than anything else in the whole world?
A: Peas on earth!