“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.” —William Jennings Bryan
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
"There's always something to be thankful for on Thanksgiving. Even if it's just not being a turkey." -Unknown
“Thanksgiving: Bringing out the best in family dysfunction since 1863.” -Unknown
“It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a little emotional scarring.” — Timothy Burke, “Friends”
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“If you start drinking now, Thanksgiving could be a lot of fun.” — Conan O’Brien
“It’s Thanksgiving, and we should not want to be together, together!” —Rachel Green, Friends
“A lot of Thanksgiving Days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.” —Kin Hubbard
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'”—Jim Gaffigan
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.” —Andy Borowitz