lada 813 mexico Jokes

A man’s relatives from Mexico came to visit for the first time, and he wanted to give them a true American experience. He decided to take them to a football game. Unfortunately, by the time they got to the stadium, the only seats left were in the nosebleeds, partially blocked by a giant support column. The man was embarrassed. He apologized to his uncle and said, "I'm so sorry the seats aren’t better. We can hardly see the field from here." But his uncle waved him off and said, "Don’t worry about it! I’m just happy to be here." The game started, and the man noticed his uncle was incredibly cheerful, even more so than he expected. He clapped along, cheered loudly, and had a smile plastered across his face the entire time. After the game ended, the man couldn’t hold back his curiosity any longer. “Uncle, I’m so glad you had a good time, but tell me, why were you so happy? We could barely see the game!” His uncle beamed and said, “Well, I was so touched by how nice everyone is in America! The entire stadium stood up and asked, ‘Jose, can you see?’

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know David, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." David thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc. They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work. The first guy jumps... He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the David notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, David isn’t able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, David misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back pretty messed up – he’s got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious. Luckily, David finally catches him this time and says, "Arquette! What happened? Was the cord too long?" The first guy lifts his head weakly and says, "No, the cord was fine. But David, tell me... what the heck is a piñata?"

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before. The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent.” They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her. The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. “I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her. The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Texas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell ya right now, ya’ll ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well," he spoofed, "down in Mexico they have this big building set up with a large tank of latex, and the workers are all picked according to hand size. Each individual walks up to the tank, dips their hands in, and then walk around for a bit while the latex sets up and dries right onto their hands! Then they peel off the gloves and throw them into the big 'Finished Goods Crate' and start the process all over again." And she didn't laugh a bit! Five minutes later, during the procedure, he had to stop cleaning her teeth because she burst out laughing. The old woman blushed and exclaimed, "I just suddenly thought about how they must make condoms."

Jose and Carlos are panhandlers that panhandle in different areas of town. Carlos panhandles just as long as Jose but only collects $2-3 every day. Jose brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills every day, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. One day, Carlos asked Jose: "I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?" "Look at your sign, what does it say?" replies Jose. Carlos' sign reads: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." Jose says: "no wonder you only get $2-3." 'Carlos says: "So what does your sign say then?" Jose shows Carlos his sign - it reads: "I only need another $10 to move back to Mexico."