Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
You are shrimply the best!
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What did Peter Pan call Tinkerbell when she corrected his spelling?
A Diction Fairy.
Long time no sea.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Wish upon a starfish.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Go big or go gnome.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.