Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
We were mermaid for each other.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
You are shrimply the best!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
I think you're mer-mazing.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”