What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Fairies just spell trouble.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
You mermaid to go far.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
You mermake me happy.
You seem a little mer-mad.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."