What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
You are shrimply the best!
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I'm a fairy.
My name's Nuff. Fair enough.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!