What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
You mermaid to go far.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Seas the day!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?