What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
You are shrimply the best!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?
A fairy tale.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Wish upon a starfish.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why did the fairy play football?
Because she was fairy sportable!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
I love you so fairy much.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Go big or go gnome.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
You mermake me happy.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.