What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.
Call me on the shellphone.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
A man meets a fairy.
"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.
"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.
He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.
"And youre second wish?" the fairy asks.
"Another one of those."
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
I think you're mer-mazing.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
You mermaid to go far.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What do you call a cloud that looks like a mermaid?
Aerial.