Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
You really mermaid my day.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Fishing you a happy day.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom in the enchanted forest.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Don't fork-get your manners.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.