What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What's a dragon's favorite snack?
Fire Crackers!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
Call me on the shellphone.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
it was my pet dragon's birthday today
We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
There was an exotic pet race to take place.
Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"
The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:
"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you know that unicorns live in New York City? I swear why do you think their called uNYCorns?
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Go big or go gnome.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.