Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Wish upon a starfish.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
You are shrimply the best!
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Seas the day!
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
I hate how all my fairy photographs have really bad quality.
They’re all so pixielated.