Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Two Dragons walk into a bar.
1st dragon: It's hot in here
2nd dragon: Shut your mouth.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Go big or go gnome.
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
What do you call a fairy that doesn’t like to shower?
Stinkerbell.
Long time no sea.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?
- If you need me, call me on my shell.
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What is the mermaid’s favorite drink?
A mertini.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
You are shrimply the best!
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!