When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.

What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”

Uni-corn? I though that’s what you call a single grain or maize.

What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.

What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.

I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?
They're always searching for the tooth.

What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.

Just hangin' with my gnomies.

What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!

What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!

What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.

What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!

Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?

Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.

How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!

What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!

What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.

Too bad, if only I’d gnome!

What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!

Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.

Why are unicorns considered to be among the most impatient mammals? They’re quick to get to the point.

Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.

You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.

What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”

Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.

What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.

What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!

Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.

What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.

A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.

What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."

Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.

What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!

Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.

We were mermaid for each other.

What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.

Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.

Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.

Would you call a guy who’s eating corn while riding a unicycle a unicorn on the cob?

An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."

What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.

The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!

Shell-abrate the good times!

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were placed, the race took place and Johns leopard gecko won. When asked after the race how they felt his competitors had only one thing to say:

"Sure no surprises there. We knew he was going to win from the gecko."

Fairies just spell trouble.

Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.

Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.

Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.