We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What is a fairy’s favorite drink?
Sprite.
You really mermaid my day.
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Fairies just spell trouble.
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?
Because the early beard gets the wyrm.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do you call the dandruff found on unicorn manes? Horn flakes.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Have you seen Jake’s new custom trumpet? Yeah, that’s quite a unique horn, I’d know it anywhere.
What do mermaids wash their fins with?
Tide.
What’s the best way to catch unicorns? Simple, by herding them all to one corner.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
When my daughter said she saw some chubby unicorns at the zoo, I couldn’t believe it. But it turns out it was just rhinos.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Even as unicorn parents, you always want to control the internet unless you want your foals checking
out uniporn all day.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Seas the day!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Call me on the shellphone.
Shell-abrate the good times!
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.