Go big or go gnome.
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
A fairy appears in front of an old man.
"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"
The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."
The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Fishing you a happy day.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
One mermaid said to the other, "I love your shell bracelet, can I Triton?"
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
We were mermaid for each other.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Most unicorns start off as poor hunters until they can really horn their skills.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
Did you hear the one about the genius unicorn who aced every subject? Yeah, he was a real A corn.
What do you call a 2D fairy?
Pixie-lated.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
Shes a fairy realistic person.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
The ocean doesn't like to say hello, it just waves.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.