An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
No one could tame the unicorn. He was horn to be wild.
Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?
They do it for the Experience.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
I have a bone to pixie with you.
You mermaid to go far.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
If man’s bet friend is a dog, would a unicorns best friend be a corn dog?
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
The Little Mermaid shouldn’t be named Ariel
She should be named Nautical!
You mermake me happy.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Unicorns deserve to be banned from facebook because all they do is poke people all day.
Why is the tooth fairy so smart?
Because she has wisdom teeth!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Did you hear about the misbehaving unicorn? Sure, but I never though that these creatures could get so horny.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
For years I told my daughter she was half-human and half-mermaid... but that her bottom half was human, and her top half was mermaid.
What did the unicorn tell the bag of beans? U-no-corn.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Fishing you a happy day.
Why won’t you ever find a unicorn in the army? Because they don’t like wearing uniforms.
Why does the little mermaid wear sea shells?
Cause B-shells are too small, and D- shells are too big.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
"Whale, what do we have here?" said the mermaid.
What did the fish say to the mermaid?
- Have a fintastic day!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do you call an extremely disgusting unicorn that no one likes? An eeeww-nicorn.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.