Mermaids can be quite mean. Salmon had to say it.
Mermaids always drink mermosas.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
What kind of underwear does a math-obsessed mermaid wear?
An algae bra.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What does a mermaid say when she was leaving the party?
- Sea ya later.
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
Did you hear about the misguided unicorn lumberjack who was killing humans? He believed he was doing random axe of kindness.
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
You mermaid to go far.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Whale, whale, whale, what do we have here?
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Seas the day!
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
I’ve heard of fraudsters before, but that was one heck of a unique-con if I ever saw one.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.