What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?
Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Fairies just wand to have fun.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?
The money that you have to pay for therapy.
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake!
You seem a little mer-mad.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Why does the fairy kingdom smell so awful?
Because of all the toad stools.
Where did the mermaid go on a date?
She was catching a movie at the dive-in.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What is a European dragon’s favorite food?
Swiss charred.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why are dragons such good story tellers?
Because they have long tails.
What do you call the Tooth Fairy in a lamp?
A Hygenie.
What did the fairy say to the other fairy?
It’s fairy nice to meet you!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
I swear I saw one of those mythical creatures somewhere in the bush; but when I came back, it was uni-gone.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Don't fork-get your manners.
Did you hear about the monk who was caught molesting kids? Yeah, bastard was telling the poor kids to touch his eunuch-horn.
We were mermaid for each other.
What do you call a sarcastic mermaid?
A sigh-ren.
What do they call the fairy in the Mexican version of Peter Pan?
Taco Bell.
After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...
Because I'm Dragon Ass.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!