What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I expected a call last night, so I slept with my phone under my pillow.
When I woke up it was gone, and there was a dollar coin in its place?!
Must have been the Bluetooth Fairy...
Let’s kick off shall we? I just hope that my unicorn puns won’t be too corny for you.
If an adult is called a unicorn, are its young one’s called puny-corns?
Where do criminal unicorns sentenced to death go? They go on corn row.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Go big or go gnome.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
When the little unicorn got bullied at school, he told his pop-corn so he could do something about it.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
You mermake me happy.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
When the unicorn lost his job, there was nothing funny about being canned corn anymore.
Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?
He wanted to eat some chicken.
I was reading a story about dragons the other day
It just seemed to DRAG ON and on.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
When the chef asked which ingredients were missing in the signature dish, someone said quickly, ‘u-need-corn’.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
You seem a little mer-mad.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Call me on the shellphone.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
Thinker-bell.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What do pixies use to clean their teeth?
Fairy floss.
What do you call a small scoop of ice-cream? A uni-cone.
You'd think seeing a mermaid in real life would be terrifying, but it wasn't half as bad.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Just because your football team calls itself the unicorns doesn’t mean they can play in the corn field.
Ariel spent the weekend alone because she was feeling a little crabby.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
What is the little mermaid’s favorite font?
Arial.
A dragon would never explode
But a dino might.
Why did the rude unicorn not say hello to the other? Because while the pace (face) was familiar, he
just couldn’t remember the mane (name).
Would you call a hardy unicorn that survived disease an immunicorn?
What do you call a Mexican unicorn? Junicorn.
What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?
A wyrmhole.
Why can't mermaids use the letters A or B?
They only know what's below C level.
I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.
I call it "Book Club"
You mermaid to go far.