What do you call a musician with problems? a trebled man.
What’s an avocado’s favorite music?
Guac ‘n’ roll.
I re-skinned my drums with the skin my faithful steed Chestnut. I want people to reflect on the emotional connection between man and beast through the art of drum solos.
But my wife says I'm just beating a dead horse.
What do you call it when a musical group provides assistance?
Band aid.
My band only plays dog whistles.
You've probably never heard us.
Bad saxophone players should be put on some kind of public list.
I want to know if I'm living next to a registered sax offender.
My friend told me all about his friend's girlfriend who was playing saxophone.
Apparently she was a saxy lady.
I made a fiddle from a squash yesterday...
... i think it's broken, it only plays gourd vibrations.
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
We're a cover band
Being a soprano is a great opera tunity.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
Because she broke the record.
What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can tune a guitar but you can't "tuna" fish!
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What do you call a guitar used to play pool?
A cue stick.
What sound drum set from the junkyard makes?
Ba-dump-tss
I've recently started up a band called "Mum's The Word."
If anyone asks, you've not seen us.
My son told me, “The car manual says that I shouldn’t turn up the stereo to full volume.”
I said, “That’s sound advice.”
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
After playing guitar for years I thought I could learn to play the piano.
But it's not an easy instrument to pick up.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
Have you heard about the new band located in the north east of england?
They're called Durham Durham.
What did Beethoven say to Johann Sebastian when he was helping him parallel park?
“Bach it up.”
I taught a dog to play the trumpet on the London Underground.
We went from Barking to Tooting in 20 minutes!
Newscaster Dad: And now, here is John with the weather.
Weatherman: It’s Jim, actually.
Newscaster: My apologies. Here’s John with the Jim.
What kind of music group only makes songs for exercise programs?
A sweatband.
Did you hear about that music composer who committed suicide? He didn't even leave a note.
What's better than having roses on your piano?
Tulips on your organ....
Why can't Woody play his guitar?
He doesn't know where his Pixar.
I had a job repairing 17th century violins...
I only fixed instruments that were BAROQUE.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”.
We’re a cover band.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
I tried to play a bass guitar once.
It didn't make much sound, and it slipped out of my hands and swam away.
Which composer likes tea the most?
Chai-kovsky.
What do you call an annoying person who plays the trumpet?
A brasshole.
What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?
Knockmaninoff.
Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
I don't usually brag about my drum jokes but um...
tss
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What's worse than a SPIDER on your PIANO?
CRAB on your ORGAN.
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What did Jay-Z call his wife before they got married?
Feyonce.
What did Prince leave on the neck of his guitar?
Finger prince.
What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
One has strings and the other has strangs.
What kind of music are balloons afraid of? Pop Music.
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
Don't you dare hit that drum again!
If you do, there will be repercussions!