How did the turkey win the talent show? With his drum-sticks.
How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can’t get up that high.
A drum rolled down a hill.
Ba-dum tsssh!
What instrument do English people play?
The Anglo-Saxophone!
10 saxophone players blew up a theatre...
authorities are on the lookout for the tenorists.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
I was supposed to play the trumpet
But I blew it.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch big band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
Remember the band that did that rock cover of “walk like an Egyptian’ by The Bangles?
Pharaohsmith.
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal
What was Beethoven’s favourite fruit?
BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA... BA-NA-NA-NAAAAAA...
The ad said "Free Violin", but there were strings attached...
What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is happy when the case is closed.
I'm starting a death metal band for people with Celiac's Disease
We're called "Gluten for Punishment."
What do you call a pianist who throws trash everywhere?
Litterachi.
Why can't a Platypus be trusted on the radio?
Because they all have fowl mouths.
What do you call a group of orcas that play music?
An iPod.
My uncle was crushed by a piano...
His funeral was very low key.
A woman is on trial for beating her significant other with a guitar. “First offender?” the judge asked.
“No” she replied. “First a Gibson , then a Fender”.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What does Eric Clapton and a cup of coffee have in common? They both suck without Cream.
Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter?
He was shredding the floor.
What is Beethoven doing now?
De-composing.
What was stolen from the music store? The lute.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
I always put my money in drums
Because it’s a sound investment.
Why can’t skeletons play church music?
Because they have no organs.
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
I used to play triangle in a reggae band but I had to give it up. It was just one ting after another.
Why was Mozart a child prodigy?
All his early pieces were in A sharp minor.
Why was the piano laughing?
Because I was tickling his ivories
Why did the Turkey want to join a band?
Because it had drumsticks!
When I play my violin it always sounds like it's crying
It's must be too highly strung
What’s the difference between a musician and a 14-inch pizza?
A 14-inch pizza can feed a family of four.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
When did the pianist finally turn their life around?
After they hit Rockbottomoff.
Name a rock group where none of the members sings or plays music.
Mt. Rushmore!
A piano player got arrested at a wedding...
He was trying to root the relatives.
What is a pianist’s favorite cheese ?
Mozzartrella.
What do you call a cow that plays the saxophone? A blues moo-sician.
What do you call a group of killer whales carrying musical instruments.
An orca-stra.
What was the pianist doing at the mall?
Chopin.
What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? Depeche a la Mode.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with Linkin Park. But in the end, it doesn't even matter.
What do you get when you cross a fridge with a radio? Cool Music
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?
LED Zeppelin.
The only difference between a band teacher and a banned teacher
is what they were bangin
What do you do to a female news anchor who breaks a leg?
You put her in a broadcast.
"learn to play piano by ear!"
"Thanks, I'd rather use my fingers."
I bought an old stereo.
My wife has her doubts, but I think it's a sound investment.