“Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace? He wanted to sleep like a log.”
Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?
It was too expensive to fly and too long to walk.
“Deck the Halls with Bows on Collies.”
"Just one hot chick."
I’ve been selected to hide eggs in my town’s big Easter festival next year!
This is an eggs-hiding opportunity!
“Santa Claus’ favorite swimming spot is the North Pool.”
The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man’s wife
Happy Mother’s Day!
“Oh, deer! Christmas is here!”
“What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.”
"That's all, yolks."
“Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve? Because it soots him.”
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
We’ve made a jig mistake, don’t you a-green?
Fir sure.
I call the shots.
Son: does Easter Bunny set out 12 eggs in the field to search for?
Dad: no he dozen’t.
Why are Catholics the best runners during the Easter season?
They fast during Lent!
You have a pizza my heart.
"An Easter bonnet can tame even the wildest hare."
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa? A Christmas Quacker.
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
“Did you hear the forecast for Christmas Eve? They’re calling for rain, dear!”
What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!
Reindeer don't go to school—they're elf taught.
How do the elves clean Santa's sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
I bought my wife a matching belt and bag for Valentine's Day
She should have that vacuum up and running in no time.
Distill my beating heart.
“You’re my soul Santa.”
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
If it ain’t brogue, don’t fix it.
Look for a rainbow connection.
“How do the elves clean Santa’s sleigh on the day after Christmas? They use Santa-tizer!”
I wood never leaf you.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
Our love started with a Hershey’s Kiss.
I fence-y you.
I can heartly wait to see you.
Take a pitcher. It'll last longer.
Zero lucks given on St. Patrick’s Day.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
How does the Easter Bunny stay fit?
Egg ercise.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
Let’s take an elfie.
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
Believe in your elf.
You snow the drill.
From my head tomatoes, I love you bunches.
You’re a cutie 3.14159265359
This year for Valentine's day I got my wife the ace of hearts and packets of corn flour, rice flour and self raising flour
She wasn't happy. Apparently it wasn't what she meant when she said she just wanted a card and flowers.