The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
How do Medieval sheep protest prisons?
They storm the baaaastille.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
I once played chess with an Egyptian King...
...I was distracted for a moment, and when I turned around he was blatantly attempting to cheat. I told him that that wasn't very pharaoh.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
I googled 'lost medieval servant boy'
The result was 'This page cannot be found.'
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic