How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:
"Achoo, Brute?"
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
My English teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
There was this knight who would be always roasting whatever he would catch for food. Guess this is why he was known as the Bonfire Knight.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
How did the mummy defeat Superman? He had Cryptonite.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!