What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.