How can you tell if you're at a classy Viking restaurant?
They have Valhallet parking
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What do you call a medieval horse in the army
A knight-mare
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
A viking adds symbols to an axe he has just made ...
" Oh no iv runed it"
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Q: What brand of underwear do pharaohs wear?
A: Fruit of the Tomb.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.