There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What would the Egyptian doctor tell to the wife of the Egyptian Pharaoh? He said that she was going to become a mummy.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.