What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What kind of car does a viking drive?
A fjord
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
To get to the other tide.
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What do you call a Viking who is really good at basketball?
a Vallhalla Balla.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Name the subject that is most fruitiest among others. History because of it huge number of dates.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!