How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.