What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink