One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!