Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.