If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline