What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."