I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.