What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!