I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.