What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."