What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.