Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
Condoms are like ear muffs.
They prevent a lot of noise.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.