What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!