A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish
Almost everyone eats corn.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.