My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
A man is holding a bee, what is in his eye?
Beauty.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”