I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
What do you call a flower with a mouth?
Tulip.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Piiig
I just saw a cashier scan the eyes of a rude customer with her barcode reader.
The look on his face was priceless.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.