What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
Why can’t your ear be 12 inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
What do you call Bears without ears
B.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
My mate had an accident and lost his ear. The doctors were able to graft on a new one made of pig skin.
His hearing is now quite fine, but every now and then he gets some crackling.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.