What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
what does Stalin use to wipe his mouth?
A Soviette.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
My eye doctor’s office is at the shopping mall.
She’s an Opthemallogist.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Me and my ears hate badminton so much
It's making a racket.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.