What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Son: Hey Dad, why do you have your ear right up to that computer?
Dad: I’m listening to A Dell
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
If Colgate kills 99.9% of bacterias in mouth, what does Colgate sensitive do?
It kills 99.9% without hurting their feelings.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What is red and not good for your teeth?
A brick.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.